TN Halloween Party Mayhem
by VioletVision
Summary: All the couples are having fun at the Halloween Costume Party, but there is one man who causes mayhem. Wash/Taylor, Jim/Elisabeth, Mark/Maddy, Ogawa/Guzman/Reilly with appearances by Skye, Boylan, Malcolm and Josh.


**TN Halloween Party Mayhem  
Chapter: One-shot**

Pairing: Wash/Taylor, Jim/Elisabeth, Mark/Maddy, Ogawa/Guzman/Reilly  
Genre: Ship/Drama/Humor  
Rating: Nc-17 (just in case)

Spoiler Alert: All of Season 1  
Warning: Language/Some Smut talk. Yes, that's a good one.

**Summary:** All the couples are having fun at the Halloween Costume Party, but there is one man who causes mayhem.

**AN:** I think I have lost my mind. I'm serious this time.

Malcolm shook his head no. "I said I wanted to be Indiana Jones."

Boylan stepped away from the table and went back to the bar tossing the words over his shoulder. "You were late, and you didn't pay up front like everyone else. Didn't think you would show. I gave it to a paying customer."

"What about the Avatar costumes?"

"Gone."

"Even the Jake as an avatar costume? I could put on some blue paint."

Boylan took a deep breath knowing what was coming next. "Yes, and even the Miles Quaritch costume. Taylor took that one this morning. Don't even ask about the Firefly Mal costume. Jim took that one."

"Of course he did." Malcolm stewed knowing that Jim was dressed up in a western SciFi adventure outfit as the character Malcolm Reynolds.

"See ya tomorrow Boylan. I'm off to the party."

Malcolm ground his teeth watching Josh walk out with his outfit. "It's for adults only, kid."

"I just turned eighteen last week. I am an adult." Josh kept walking.

"Paying customer?" Malcolm countered.

"Boy's got money." Boylan wiped the bar off.

"Fine. Have one of your ladies put something else together for me."

"Don't have anything else."

"I can't go to a costume party without a costume." Malcolm was becoming indignant.

"Don't get your knickers in a wad. Sally? We got anything left?"

"Santa suit, but we ran out of red fabric. It should fit him." A female's voice responded.

"I'll take it for half the price I was going to pay for the other." Malcolm jutted out his jaw in defiance.

Malcolm strode into the party about twenty minutes later.

He walked up behind a slender brunette that wore a similar costume to him. "How is Santa's Sexy Helper doing tonight?"

As the woman turned around, he became aware of who it was. "Oh my God! I'm so sorry. I didn't know it was you."

The woman stepped back and almost tripped on her high heels. He extended his hand to catch her arm, and she backed away even more with a jerk as to not be touched.

Maddy fell onto Mark's lap, and Mark grabbed her shoulders to steady her.

Malcolm stepped forward seeing the shock on her face. "I'm so sorry. I thought it was adults only. I didn't mean to…" Malcolm stopped talking as Mark glanced between them.

Maddy closed her mouth a moment then offered. "…bump into me and trip me."

"Yes! So sorry. Here take my drink. I haven't drunk from it yet. Will never happen again. Ever." Malcolm's eyes flashed up to see Jim turn his head in that direction. "Have a lovely night." He fled like the Wild Hunt of Fairy was after him.

Jim strode up and folded his arms. "What are you doing exactly?"

"I'm a helper." Maddy jumped to her feet when confronted by her father who was dressed as what looked like a sheriff from the old west.

"Children sit in Santa's lap, not the helpers." Jim unfolded his arms and squinted at the young military man who just had his teenage daughter in his lap.

"I apologize, sir. Won't happen again." Mark stood to attention in his Sexy Santa outfit that showed off his muscles.

"Santa is supposed to be an old man, Reynolds." Jim ignored his wife who pulled on his arm.

When he would not leave the table, Elisabeth intervened on Maddy's behalf knowing that nothing wrong was really happening. She whispered into his ear. "Jim. Do you want her hanging on Mark or sitting in some old perverts lap?"

Jim's jaw snapped shut. He whispered back as best he could with the music blaring. "Is there someone else I should know about?"

Jim's eyes darted around and spotted Malcolm in a Christmassy outfit remembering he saw him near the table.

Elisabeth smiled, "No. And if you keep it up, they might break up and the next one might be an older guy who does not quake in fear of you. It's better to keep the well behaved younger one around. Besides I've watched him. He's very protective of her. And, Taylor said he's loyal and capable. Some other guy would be much worse."

"Good point." Jim turned back to the table where the two were standing arm length apart. "Ok, but no alcohol and no Secret Santa Surprise. Ya got me Reynolds?"

"Yes, sir!" Mark continued to stand at attention unblinking.

Elisabeth pulled Jim's arm toward the dance floor as she twirled her pink and cream Victorian dress. "Dance with me Sheriff."

Jim let it go and responded to his wife's playful smile. "It would be my honor to, Ma'am."

Maddy took a seat next to her boyfriend. "Mark, do you have any idea what my father meant by that?"

"Not really." Mark did not have the heart to tell her that he knew exactly what Jim meant by that and wondered how Jim hacked his Plexpad journal.

"This drink taste's funny. I think the fruit went bad." Maddy held it out to Mark.

He took it and smelled the alcohol. He tried to think how she got the glass.

"My dad can be so weird sometimes." Maddy glanced at her parents who were having fun laughing over something.

"He's not the only one." Mark now remembered the glass came from Malcolm. Mark tipped his head and gave Malcolm a death glare recalling how guilty he looked.

Malcolm saw in Mark's face that he put together the part that he said about thinking only adults would be here. He raised his hands as if in surrender and mouthed the words. "Sorry."

Mark mouthed a word back. "Pervert."

Malcolm felt insulted and mouthed back wondering if he just needed to go back and explain. "I did not know it was her."

Maddy turned back to Mark as she picked up her juice drink. "What? It's hard to hear in here."

"I said lets go for a walk." Mark stood to his feet and offered her his arm knowing that she seemed even more giggly than usual and did not want her father seeing it.

She beamed that brilliant smile where her entire face brightens as if dancing with happiness that always makes him gasp for air. "A walk it is."

Taylor adjusted his Miles combat vest as he commented to Guzman. "What the hell was that?"

Guzman tipped his pirate hat to the side. "Mermaid? No. Snake woman?"

Nurse Ogawa, dressed as a Middle Ages Barbarian, pressed her hands onto Guzman's chest. "I think she's a crocodile."

Reilly sauntered over in her Princess Leia Slave outfit with flowing red fabric and metallic golden top. "Bet she's a Slasher."

Ogawa wickedly smiled back and traced her finger over Reilly's arm. "Ok. What're you going to bet?"

"I bet she is and if I'm right, the both of you come back to my unit for…coffee…tonight."

Guzman and Taylor became fascinated with the conversation.

Ogawa pulled her hand back and ran her fingers over the laces on her own bodice. "And if you're wrong?"

"I go back to yours for…coffee." Reilly's eyes were hooded with promise.

"I could go for a nice shot of espresso." Ogawa pressed harder against Guzman. "I think I'll place a bet. You in?"

Guzman felt a little unnerved that Taylor was listening, but he was not about to say no. "I'm all in."

Ogawa patted Guzman's ass then turned back to Reilly. "How do you want to do this?"

"I'll just walk over and invite her to a private party tomorrow. If we start dancing, that means yes. If she slaps me or walks away, that means she said no."

Guzman looked at the two women now well aware that they were no longer talking about asking the beautiful blond woman if she was dressed as a dinosaur.

Taylor leaned over to Guzman to ask a question because he could not here everything they were saying because of the music. "What's going on?"

Guzman leaned toward Taylor. "They're going to ask Mermaid Malibu Barbie if she is a Slasher as in being into FemSlash."

Taylor nodded having no idea what that meant, but he was not going to admit it.

Taylor's vest was gripped from behind as his feet were kicked out from under him. He fell backwards and landed on a couch that was turned in the opposite direction. He didn't remember it facing the wall before.

Long slender legs held him in place on his back. "Wondered when you'd get here. If a woman is a Slasher into FemSlash…what does that mean exactly?"

Wash peeped over the couch at the party to see Guzman dancing with three beautiful women who seemed more interested in each other than him. "Basically, a woman who likes other women. It's something the kids are calling lesbians these days."

Taylor used the distraction to his advantage and rolled her off onto the floor landing on top of her.

Wash smacked his shoulder in a very feminine gesture that startled Taylor. "You're going to mess up my outfit. What the hell?"

"Harder to be seen down here. I, unlike some other people lying on this floor, don't want to get caught." Taylor did not understand why she was so upset about her clothing. She never had been before.

"Elisabeth let me borrow this top." Wash pushed his chest back to inspect the ribbon laces and zipper for any damage.

"Elisabeth?" He doubted that it was Elisabeth's top because of how dominatrix it looked.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disturb." Malcolm blinked at man lying on the floor and then to the woman who was wearing a leather bustier and was obviously not Elisabeth. He guessed they were playing some sick role play where Wash was supposed to be Elisabeth. He recognized her top from when he snuck into their housing unit last week and rummaged in Elisabeth's panty drawer. He thought anything non-vanilla was disgusting.

Taylor dropped his head a few inches in defeat without looking over his shoulder. "Perfect."

Malcolm misunderstood. "No. Top's just a little lose in the breast area." He had his hands extended as if he were feeling the leather again.

Malcolm jumped back when the two rolled around on the ground. "Right, don't mind me."

Malcolm went to go find a drink shaking his head that the two of them couldn't keep their hands off each other long enough for him to excuse himself. "Sure lets all just have sex in public. Why not? No sense of self respect or control. Next, they'll be throwing each other against walls, dripping chocolate on everything, or tying each other up playing with weapons. Crazy psychooooos. No sense of decency."

He had no idea that Taylor rolling her over farther to the side saved him from a black boot landing a dangerous blow between his legs.

Wash struggled with Taylor on the floor. "I'll kill him this time I swear it."

Taylor dodged her fist and went in lower pressing her back to the floor in a tackle. "No you won't. If you wouldn't let me kill him, I'm not letting you."

"OK!" Wash finally calmed. "Damn it. How dare him talk about me like I'm some woman."

"Would you rather he talk about you like you're a man?" Taylor grinned at her being flustered. It was something new.

"Yes." She smoothed back her hair and tied it. "I'm never wearing this stuff out in public again."

"There's my Wash." Taylor glanced around while kneeling on the floor making sure no one other than Malcolm saw them.

Wash squinted at him and spoke hurriedly as she sat on the couch. "When I stopped you from killing him, you said I owed you, and I remember what I did for you in return."

Taylor leaned back with a throaty growl as his eyes inspected every inch of her body with approval. "I remember."

"Then kiss me. Right here for anyone to see." Wash felt excited that someone else might catch them doing something naughty.

Taylor fed on her exhilaration, but resisted. "Request something else."

"Sex on this couch right here right now." Wash's eyes darkened as hunger for his strong and expert touch flamed inside her body.

"Something else." Taylor was barely holding himself still because she was inching her legs apart while he was kneeled on the floor with a perfect view.

"I'm not going to ask you to take me back to your place and…hammer me hard." Wash ended her sentence with a phrase the character he was dress as used in a movie.

"Here on the couch." Wash reached to the side and unzipped the top a couple of inches. "It's what I want."

"Damnation woman. Just ask for anything else, and I'll say yes." His heart was thundering in his chest as he realized what she had done to him. "I take it back."

"Can't." Wash smiled and zipped the top back up knowing he would not go for the kiss or sex on the couch. She had him now.

"I'm taking it back." Taylor scowled at her trying to control his body.

"If you take the comment back, I swear to you I will take this top off right now and give it back to Elisabeth and tell her I don't need it tonight. But, I will thank her very politely."

Taylor swore for a good two minutes as he watched the determination on her face knowing she meant it. He had no idea what she was going to ask from him. But even more than that, he did not want every man in the colony watching her walk around in a mini skirt and boots without a top or panties for that matter.

Wash nudged him with her knee for emphasis. His eyes darted down even though he told himself not to look again. He closed his eyes and started cursing again.

Taylor knew that she would strut with the music, and her perky breasts would do a little dance of their own for all to see.

"Ok. Let me have it." Taylor stood up and nodded to the door.

Wash knew he was not meaning to just go at it, so she leaned in as if to whisper.

Taylor knew it was coming. He dreaded it. He knew that sometimes she got him worked up till he said things that were not safe for him. His mind offered as an example the time he got mad and said for her to bite him. And offered the time a bridge went out and they were trapped in a Rover, and he slammed his hands on the steering wheel yelling out in anger "Fuck me!" As his mind offered a third example concerning The Eye, he heard her voice over the music.

Wash spoke quiet words to him that made him flush. She pulled back seeing a light pink color to his skin knowing she had never caused that before. She thought more and knew for certain she had never seen him blush before. Ever.

Wash radiated triumph as she slapped her hands on her Carno leather skirt that rode up so high it was practically at her waist. She tugged it down as best she could. "After you, Commander."

Taylor told Guzman on their way out that he was going OTG for a while and taking Wash with him. He told Guzman that Jim was in charge till they got back. They left together not to be seen for three days.

Malcolm decided to give in and take another glass of the punch. He reminded himself what the calorie count was, but he took one before knowing the calorie count.

He gasped out after drinking half of it. "Boylan. This has alcohol in it."

"Yes. It's hard to taste if you're not looking for it, but packs a punch." Boylan smiled nodding at an attractive redhead who was dressed as a college school girl.

"I need to find Maddy." Malcolm glanced around.

Boylan grabbed Malcolm's wrist almost spilling the drink while sounding angry. "You can't give that to her."

"I know that damn it. That's why I need to find her." He remembered handing her his glass.

"Find who?" Skye took two glasses off the table.

"Maddy." Malcolm peered to her side to see Josh already holding a glass, and he paused for a moment wondering who the second glass was for if it was not Josh.

"Oh. Her and Mark left just after her dad embarrassed her at her table." Skye smiled wondering why Malcolm cared where Maddy was.

"Good. Then she probably didn't drink the punch. I was worried she might drink the punch. And, Skye that green pixie outfit is very fetching." Malcolm did not know why he said that last part.

Josh scowled. "Down boy."

"Sorry. I may have drunk too much." He set the glass down. "Josh, you're only eighteen. You shouldn't be drinking."

Josh turned to leave with Skye and spoke. "He has issues."

She laughed. "He's a self appointed morality officer come to tell us of our evils." Skye slurred her words at the end pretending to be drunk.

Malcolm shook his head at a couple making out against a wall. "Go grind somewhere else."

They ignored him as he walked toward the large Christmas tree off on the far side of the massive room.

Malcolm pulled out his Secret Santa list and tied it to the tree hoping someone would give him at least one of the few dozen items he managed to write on the small card. His fingers moved over some of the cards others had left with their wishes on them. He decided one of the cards was inappropriate and removed it. "Sickos."

He opened the card again and scrutinized the list even more. "I feel nauseous just reading this."

Malcolm used his mini-Plex to scan it to save for later. He told himself it was so he could show others how horrible the list was.

He crinkled the card up in his hand knowing he would throw it away.

Malcolm sat down in a chair that was next to the tree and started to run through a list of women that were single. Just as he decided on a few names and was about to go hunting for them in the crowd, a beautiful woman walked up to the tree inspecting it.

She was the redhead from earlier at the punch bowl dressed as a college school girl.

He could not remember her name, but knew she was in her late twenties and worked in Agriculture. He mused her field had something to do with the effects that lightning and electro currents had on plant life. It apparently made some plants here bloom and produce fruit all year. He decided she was worthy.

Malcolm was happily surprised when she walked straight to him and pointed at his lap.

Her deep sultry voice floated across his body like feathers. "It's mine. Give it to me."

Malcolm raised his eyebrows and smoothed out his blue Santa outfit. "Whooo there. There's plenty of time for that now isn't there.

He moved his hands out of his lap to the arms of the wooden chair to give her a place to sit.

She stepped forward and roughly jerked the rolled up card out of his hand. She flattened it out then went back to the tree to hang it up.

"Protecting the sanctity of the tree. Ok. I get it. But perverts wanting sex toys should not hang things up there. How about you come sit on Santa's lap and tell me what you want for Christmas."

The redhead put the card back on the tree. "Like I said. This one's mine. Don't touch my card again. For the record, everything on that list is things I need for my research program you approved a month ago."

She turned to stomp away, but could not resist. "And as for sitting on your lap, not even in your dreams Papa Smurf."

Malcolm felt confused till he glanced back down at his red boots and pants. His hand instantly went to his red hat then to his white fake beard. When his eyes flashed down at his blue jacket, he finally spoke. "Boylan, you right bastard."

**A/N: **I was chatting about Taylor being Papa Smurf or Santa. I decided no that Malcolm should be Papa Smurf. He would never have come on to Maddy if he knew it was her. I loved his own personal horror knowing what he said to her. LOL! He walked around judging people, but he was the one that hit on an underage girl, gave said underage girl alcohol, cussed, thought that poor redhead and Taylor/Wash were being perverted, snuck into Elisabeth's panty drawer, asked a stranger to sit in his lap, hit on Skye when she was standing there with a guy, got innocent people into trouble and drank while telling others not to drink. I like tormenting him and letting him be the cause of mayhem. Hhehehehehehehe What do you think?


End file.
